flying

welcome aboard futility airlines! the duration of this flight--if you live through it--is your lifetime. a safety manual is located in the seat pocket in front of you, but don't bother consulting it--it has nothing to do with situations you will actually encounter. there is no life-jacket or parachute under the seat. there is only one exit. feel free to avail yourself of it at any time.

for those who are smokers, there is no smoking on this flight; for those who are not, smoking is permitted. food and refreshments will be served only to those who are neither hungry nor thirsty. the captain will not make any announcements shortly, for there is no captain...

...nor is their any copilot or navigator. if you need anything--do not call for the flight-attendant, as there is none.

indeed, each of you is the only living passenger on this flight. even as you are cramped, claustrophobic, and nauseated from lack of space, tiresome company, and the stale air infected by the squalid breath of those rotting around you, rest assured that you are entirely alone.

when it comes to reaching the final destination, futility airlines is proud to hold the record rate of 100%. have a pleasant flight, and thank you for believing that you chose futility.